i have a foot in two worlds,
i am the biggest and the smallest.
looked up to and looked down on,
admired and defiled,
recalled and forgotten.
i am not enough for the air-bound leviathans
clogging my skyline,
and i am far too good
for the insects in my path.
my disposition is my downfall,
and i tend to relapse
into the same frame of mind,
every single time...
a word brings back a sensory memory,
and a name strikes panic through my limbs.
because i was hoping that i could freeze time,
until maybe i am flawless again,
until maybe i grow a few hundred miles...
so that i will be taller than you...
and you'll forget everyone below.

The Mold

It's strange because I know
Exactly how it feels
To get down so low,
that you may never heal.

and it's strange because I feel
exactly what I know,
because in my eyes it's real,
and your lips are moving slow...

and it's strange because I feel,
like everything has fallen
even though I'm sure
everything is standing up.

and it's strange because I feel,
as though the world around me
has given up the fight,
because I was not enough.

and it's strange because I feel,
exactly how I used to
No matter what you say,
you're very much the same.

and it's strange, because I know
Exactly how it feels
to fall into the mold
where so many were before.

this is the mood.

Kat says:
the whole thing is just amazing. cuz he's saying, "i never thought it possible, i think i fell in love with someone worse than me, and i love you to death, but i don't think i like you anymore"
and that's like the message of the song, cuz she's basically drowning her issues in alcohol because of some problem that happened "two years ago tonight"
oh yeah, direct quoting
haha
speaking of unhealthy coping mechanisms, good god i want some haagan daaz

Freewrite 1

Lips peel away revealing condescending smiles,
Flashing back every inch of all these traveled miles.
I remember how it feels to be where I belong,
and then a smile begins to curve because I couldn't be more wrong.

Belonging is a word you whisper when you deceive;
When nails are slowly tearing the exposed heart on your sleeve.
And no amount of rhyming stanzas could ever come close,
To how it feels when you swallow that final fatal dose;

because it never really happened because you're made of lies,
because that's the way they made you, because you closed your eyes,
because it was too much for you to ever get inside,
because you weren't strong enough, because all you know are lies.

And on the tongue of this liar, it's laced with irony,
but on the tongue of your liar, it's just a melody.
and you try to make it work, so desperately
it's just too bad that you can't harmonize like me

Lips peel away revealing a skeleton of truth,
Giving you the memories that you lost in your youth.
and I still remember how it feels where I belong,
and I hold back my tears, because I am still dead wrong.
(fortunately, I won't have to deal with this for long)

I wish life was like writing a song.

I hate sometimes how you confront an issue, and you have that time that is like the breath of relief...it's done...it's over.......and then you figure out the next problem you need to conquer. I have found myself asking the past couple of days, "Why? Please, let's just let this relief go on a LIIIIITTLE bit longer..." but I realize that in order to become a good, functional, healthy person I need to embrace the change and constantly try to better myself...
but sometimes it's just so damn hard...

So in the meantime, I'll busy myself with creative projects...creativity is how I get to know myself, because for me, creativity is not a science. It's just there. I concentrate, and I create. When I sit down to write a song, I don't think of what chords would go where they go, I just instinctively put them there, because I hear them in my head. When I put words to music, I don't think about it, I just sing them, because they're from my heart, and my heart doesn't rationalize it's feelings, they're just there.

Creating is so simple...I wish life was like writing a song.